Ghosting: Silence Speaks Louder Than Words, but the Pain Is Real
The emotional fallout of being ghosted
Ghosting — the abrupt end to communication without explanation. It’s a term that’s become familiar to digital daters, and cheaters aren’t exempt. But what happens when ghosting leaves you with more questions than closure, and a social media deep dive reveals truths you weren’t prepared for?
For cheaters, the emotional pain is magnified because we don’t have anyone to share it with. We can’t mope around the house or let the blues work themselves out. We have to keep smiling and laughing at stupid jokes we’ve heard a hundred times, prepare meals, pick up kids, and otherwise enjoy our shitty lives. Cheating is lonely, and nowhere is this more apparent than when some asshole decides to fuck you around.
Imagine you’ve been talking to someone for five months. Everything seems to be going well. Then suddenly, they disappear — no texts, no calls, no explanation. This happened to one person who turned to r/adultery for advice.
“👻 Boo! 👻 Now I know all about this person — like everything and it makes me hurt,” they shared. She found him on his socials and learned everything about him, his wife, and family. From that she figured out the lies he’d told her and passed off as the truth.
She wasn’t alone. There seems to be a draw to those who ghost you. Another shared this —
I had a fling for 4 months. I resisted in searching him because I know it is going to hurt. When it got into the fifth month I couldn’t help this curiosity cat. At the end I was broken in tears sitting in my car. I know his real name instead of the fake name he has claimed ‘real’ all along. I know his wife name , when his mom died , when he moved back to US from overseas , whose name was registered in his stores. it does not make it any easier for me to swallow it. The lies and genuine ( but fictional) story telling just to get me. The continuous searching new women and new AM and Tinder accounts opened up with the photos i told him they look good on him. All he learnt from me is getting smarter from sneaking away from his wife.
But I suppose the pain hardened my heart and I can move on. No, I wouldn’t call it a mistake. It is part of let go electric shot therapy .
It’s a situation many of us have unfortunately found ourselves in. You’re left wondering, should you reach out for closure, or is it better to just move on? The community weighed in, and their insights were as varied as they were profound.
One user advises against seeking closure, saying, “You are most likely not going to get a reason, so it’s better for you to move on and stop pain-shopping.” It’s a good perspective because sometimes, seeking answers only leads to more heartache.
But what about the emotional investment? Another wrote, “5 months is a long time; I wouldn’t get down on yourself about getting attached.” It’s a reminder that it’s okay to feel attached, that it’s human to develop feelings, even in less traditional relationships.
Another voice brought a different angle, “Unfortunately, you have to learn that ‘silence’ is an answer. A painful one.” It’s a hard truth — sometimes, the lack of response is the response.
As more people jumped in, a consensus emerged: moving on is often the healthiest option. “Move on. That ship has sailed,” asserted one, who encouraged the OP to accept the end and look forward.
But what about the urge to know more, to understand why? Someone shared their heart-wrenching experience of succumbing to this curiosity, only to find themselves “broken in tears sitting in my car.” Their story serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of digging too deep.
It’s clear from these discussions that ghosting causes a lot of pain, and some of that is made worse by our decisions. It’s not just about the act of disappearing; it’s about the aftermath, the confusion, the search for understanding, and, ultimately, trying to move on.
Takeaway
So, what’s the best course of action when you’ve been ghosted? Move on.
The wisdom suggests that while the urge for closure is natural, the healthiest path is to embrace the silence, accept the situation, and focus on moving forward. Recognizing that is hard sometimes, but the answers we want don’t bring peace.
In the end, ghosting teaches us about the fragility of heart and the resilience it takes to move on.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023
